June 2023

Dear Blessed One,

I remember three of the most potent moments of facing fear in my history. The first one was when I was 14 years old, and I was telling my mother about the sexual abuse from my father that had been going on for years. The second was when I was standing before both of my parents and retelling what I had previously told my mother (I was a bit of a wild child, so she didn't believe me). During the expose', the fear I was feeling was so intense, my teeth were literally chattering. I felt like every cell of my being would spontaneously combust and float away as dust. The third time was right after getting sober in 1997, which was the beginning of deep healing of the first two.

Due to the history of abuse, I had great fear of authority figures. I did not know how to say no, or how to stand up for myself in any way, and I was being presented with that imbalance in numerous situations.

As a young mother of two living in a rental with somewhat aggressive landlords, I had great fear of speaking up to them. I froze in potential conflict with them. When they reneged on paying for something that cost me $400, which was like thousands to me at the time, it pushed me over the threshold of what I could tolerate.

Not knowing it at the time, as I faced them and reiterated their promise to reimburse me for a repair, I was beginning the process of healing the early childhood wounds, and the fear of authority figures. As I was talking to them through a tremoring voice, tears were leaking down my cheeks, I felt dizzy, and thought I might pee my pants.

Although the outcome still was not reimbursement, the frozen thought-forms in my being that kept me from speaking my truth began melting that day.

It took many months for me to recognize the latter experience as a gift of healing. The child who could not speak was being healed and something within me began awakening... a presence that did not need anyone's permission to tell the truth. Little by little, I became more and more aware of my sovereignty.

I share this story to illustrate the perfection of life and how it guides us through the murky waters of healing. What may feel like or look like a disaster, is life shaking us awake. The greater the fear or pain, the deeper is the healing and more expansive the awakening (read my first book, Suffering ~ A Path of Awakening).

As the earth is shaking beneath your feet, while experiencing the fullness of whatever is happening in the moment, remember that life has the reins. You are being set free.

Sometimes a jackhammer is what's needed to break up the concrete of misidentified-self. When you freeze and the feet won't move, breathe, feel every bit of the experience, and allow it to have you. Surrender is not indulgence. Indulgence is a loop-story about the pain one is experiencing. Surrender releases everything... the story, the need for a certain outcome, and control.

The mind is a trap. The body will process all damages when we allow the waves of turbulence to move through us. Stillness is often available if we do not fight with the storms of the mind, or the waves of emotions. Yes. Just this. Here now.

As the muscle of presence develops, there is more and more releasing of patterns, of unhealthy behaviors, and of identification with the illusory self. Once misidentification of self dissolves, there is access to the authentic self, the one who knows, and is beyond even trust.

The truth of your being is before mind.

Much Love and Blessings to You!
shellee rae

"Tomorrow and plans for tomorrow can have no significance at all unless you are in full contact with the reality of the present, since it is in the present and only in the present that you live. There is no other reality than present reality, so that, even if one were to live for endless ages, to live for the future would be to miss the point everlastingly." ~ Alan Watts/em>